I was banned for life from a writing group with 29.2k members after being verbally abused by a moderator with a chip on his shoulder.
The group is described as:
An online writer’s group dedicated to the sharing and constructive peer-review of each other’s written work. **If you aren’t sharing your writing, it doesn’t belong here.**
I made a post requesting a critique of the prologue of my LGBTQ literary fiction novel. I wrote a lengthy discussion post about ethnic and LGBTQ fiction to preface it. A few minutes later, I received a notification that the post was banned by a moderator (SXN) who pointed to a rule that I had overlooked.
That was fine because I had not realized that I was not allowed to link to the work that I wanted to be critiqued. I should have read the rules more clearly. But, the more important thing that I noticed was the word limit (5000) which was not going to work for what I was trying to share. I had 15k words.
Admittedly dejected, but still thankful for the information, I responded:
Me: Well this group is pretty pointless for me then. Thanks for the info! βπ½
What I got (immediately) in response to this almost took me out.
SXN: No, a 15k word prologue is pointless. Maybe people don’t want to publish your work because they don’t want to work with you specifically. Learn what a writer’s group is.
The personal insults were really surprising, especially since I thought that moderators were supposed to demonstrate some modicum of professionalism. I get that he may have been annoyed with my dismissive(?) response, but to call my work pointless, suggest that I’m difficult to work with, and that I need to “learn what a writer’s group is” was an overreaction. I thought so, at least.
I wanted him to know how I felt with as few words as possible:
Me: Don’t reply again. It makes you look weak as a moderator.
He did reply again (immediately) with even more personal attacks. I was reeling.
SXN: Why don’t you get your head out of your ass? Stop blaming the world for your failures.
I had NO ππ½ IDEA ππ½ why this was escalating so fast. I excitedly explained the situation to anyone that would listen and had a really good laugh. I didn’t respond again. I thought that might be better. It was not.
A half-hour later I got a notice that I was permanently banned from posting. I appealed, explaining that I had not been aware of the rule that was broken, that I had been accosted by SXN, personally insulted, and that I was confused about the reason for the ban. I also speculated that he may not have liked the subject matter of the post (ethnic, LGBTQ, and transgender topics) because I couldnβt think of any other reason for that kind of hostility. I think he may have been the only moderator, because the response that I got was definitely from him.
MODS: Well that seems pretty pointless. Thanks for the info!
I was screaming. I could not stop. I half-wished that I could have seen his smug, satisfied grin after he sent it. It was too funny – too petty.
I told him that I would screenshot the exchange and blog about it (wasnβt actually sincere at the time) then thanked him for everything once more. He went on a tirade about how I βinsulted the community by calling it pointlessβ, that I was βself-importantβ, βentitledβ, thought that everyone on the internet had to βcater to my demandsβ (!?!?), and that I was βthrowing a tantrumβ (ME – who was calm and polite but a little cynical).
I decided not to respond or appeal again.
I had some bouts of laughter about it but, when I had a little time away for perspective, I started wondering how many other posts he had pulled, people he had suspended, and desperate writers that he had cut off from their peers. SXN is a gatekeeper of sorts with access codes to a community of over 29,000 aspiring and established writers. With a few keyboard presses and mouse clicks, he has the power to decide who is allowed entry into that social club. There is a responsibility in there that I think he neglected. It made me think of clubs and late-night bars where bouncers decide who gets to go inside and who has to wait out in the cold. While they only have the power to stop you from dancing and drinking in their establishment, gatekeepers of communities like r/WritersGroup can marginalize and disenfranchise aspiring writers.
Being banned did not affect me too harshly but it may have affected someone else trying to share their offbeat work that deals with topics that a Mod might not like or is prejudiced against.
Plenty of other communities with hundreds of thousands (and even millions) of writers exist on Reddit but only so many are set up where you can share your work (of any genre) for critique to the entire member-base. This makes r/WritersGroup a blessed minority.
Maybe, like a lot of Mods, SXN expected the ego-boosting βOh Iβm sorry, massaβ, itβll never happen again, massaβ!β, and was agitated when I didnβt give him that. When I realized how uncool this was (10 hours later) I went back to screenshot the exchange. He had deleted his more embarrassing response but I still had the notification on my phone crawl. I decided to actually blog about it because it was a perplexing exchange and I thought that it would be interesting for other writers to read about.
One good thing did come out of this:
Even though the post was banned, I got tons of link clicks from Reddit on my 15k-word prologue (and even a few complete 40-minute reads! π)
All reads are good reads!
Thanks again, SXN! Hereβs lookinβ at you! π»
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Want to see this 15k-word prologue yourself? Head over to Medium HERE.
Thanks for reading!
